The discipling of any follower of Christ remains incomplete without learning the art of friendship. We don’t think of it as a traditional spiritual discipline, but the formation of our lives into the image of Christ must include a maturity of learning to be a friend. So, where do we begin to understand friendship as a Biblical or spiritual concept? Grasp this lesson from Proverbs 17.17.
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17.17
Being a friend is both personal and deliberate. Friendship in many ways resembles the characteristics of a close brother. During the most critical junctures of life, we can count on the support of brothers and friends. They can be counted upon during seasons of adversity and difficulty, but the REAL lesson is in the differences between the two. A brother is born for adversity. A close brother remains steadfastly by your side – trusting, helping, hoping, encouraging – during difficult seasons of life. And sometimes it takes adversity to discover how close we really are to our families.
My brother and I were 4 1/2 years apart. I was the older and, therefore, entitled to practice pro wrestling moves on him that I had seen on TV. However, something happened after school on his 2nd day of kindergarten, My brother was hit by a car when he chased a ball out in to the street in front of our house. I’ll never forget hearing the thud of his body being struck, my mother’s scream, or the first sight of my unconscious little brother lying lifeless in the street. My father dropped to his knees beside my brother breathing a frantic and desperate prayer: “God, heal my child!” It was the sound of my brother’s subsequent tears that gave evidence to a miracle in that street. (34 years later, my brother and his wife have further evidence of that miracle in their 4 children).
He spent several days in the hospital in traction and came home in a cast from his hips to his thigh on one leg and his entire foot on the other and remained in it for several weeks. We shared a bedroom and almost each night, I thought about how vulnerable he seemed. My 10 year old heart and mind would fear that something could happen to him in the night and often, I would often crawl out of bed to either kneel at his bed or my own and, with tears, pray for God to protect my little brother. A brother is born for adversity and, all wrestling moves aside, I felt in that moment that I was born for prayer.
That brings us to the contrast, which helps us appreciate the love of a genuine friend. A brother is born for adversity, but a friend loves at all times. Family bonds are at visibly at their strongest when a member goes through difficulty, but a friend loves voluntarily. A friend loves at all times. And that voluntary love can prove even stronger than familial or brotherly love.
A biblical friend is also consistently loyal. A friend loves at all times. That means that a follower of Christ does not settle for being friendly, but, looks to build friendships. Friendship is a rare treasure, not easily cultivated or found. It takes consistency and loyalty and devotion and time and inconvenience. And Proverbs elevates the loyalty built with trusted friends as an unforgettable lesson.
Being a friend first has everything to do with the kind of person that YOU decide to be. It means that we’re not looking into the life of someone else to find something that might be worthy of us showing ourselves friendly. When we choose to be loving and accepting and forgiving; we choose to be friends toward others because of WHO WE ARE.